I'm trying to see through the tears

Mike smashed his face against the pee-stained carpet and cried for 2 minutes and 26 seconds before looking back at his phone. Even through the tears, he could see the lock screen he cherished so much.

He and Trump were holding hands and smiling... and there was also this black haired bitch boy on the right. Mike remembered that the PR guy said he had to hold the soy boy's hand, too. He was reluctant, but his beautiful musk ox leaned in and whispered, "It's okay, kitten."

Mike looked at his sexy man, who flashed him a crusty smile before returning his gaze to the camera. He smelled like warm ketchup.

Later that day, Mike came upon the unspeakable.

The flashback was interrupted by an animalistic cry coming from the other room, followed by Karen's bitch ass punching another hole through the wall. "STOP CRYING IT'S HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed, before throwing some shit across the room. "And you PEED on the CARPET AGAIN!!"

Mike got back on the couch and launched the tv remote in her direction. It missed her fatass head and hit a 2 year old bowl of mac and cheese in the corner. "Mother, the liberals have stormed the capitol," he said calmly, "and the government wants me to enact the 25th amendment."

KAren, or whatever the fuck her name was, put her hands on her hips. "Okay and??? Why the fuck you are cryin?!?" she questioned, "you deserve that position and I want to be the first lady, got it!?"

"But mother!" Mike cried, "I can't betray my prin- I mean president!"

"Donald said I looked like a raw chicken wing! How can you respect someone who disrespected your wife!?" she screamed, as she picked up her Nokia and threw it through the earth. The Nokia fell into some magma and caused a volcanic eruption in Kenya, which burned Obama's real birth certificate.

Mike sat up and balled his fists, ready to use them to defend his man. "Mother."

"You heard what I said dipshit, now get to it!" She stomped out of the room, leaving Mike alone once again.

Mike didn't even have to think about it, Donald always came first in every sense of the word. Katie was nothing to him now.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his phone light up and vibrating in the middle of a huge pee stain. On the screen was a familiar name, one that strikes fear into the hearts of mortal men. Mike hastily grabbed his phone and answered the call. Immediately, the raspy voice on the other end spoke.

"Meet me near the Chuck E. Cheese," he said, "I've got something that will fix everything."

To be continued...