I fought the urge to breathe water

Mike had an acid trip or something and found himself in the legendary Mar a Lago. Since he took office, the club had gone through many changes. It was turned into Trump's second home away from the White House where nobody could see the cage he would lock Eric in. It was no longer open to members to enjoy, but they were still charged because capitalism.

And there he was looking out the window in all his glory.

Donald wore a golden bathrobe that was several sizes too small, but long enough to fully cover his dump truck ass. What a shame. He turned around dramatically and smiled when he saw his scrumptious honey bun.

"I'm glad you came," he said, "where have you been?"

Mike knew Donald wouldn't be pleased to know that Taylor brought back Steve Bannon. The incantation was revealed during a secret meeting in the woods, sometime after Steve was revealed to be a white culture enthusiast to the country. The party consisted of Rudy, Trump, Steve and himself. That information was to stay among them, but somehow that she-devil found out. He couldn't break it to Donald, not yet.

"I've been looking for a place to bring back Bannon, sir."

Donald waved his hand dismissively. "Forget him, I found out about something else. Something so big, so marvelous."

"But, you sent Chris Christie into space to become a new moon."

"Chris Christie is a big guy, big guy. We had to make him a planet, because the guy has a gravitational pull. I threw some of my leftover pizza at him during one of the debates and it went into orbit. But to get back to my discovery..." Donald made his way towards Mike. "That harpy, Margarine Green Taylor said something about a Jewish space laser and I thought we could use that to bomb China and the Middle East and take back this stolen election."

Perhaps Mike was wrong about Margorie. They did go to church together at some point, and church-going members of the community are never featured on True Crime Daily for triple homicide. Only Muslims and black people. She was neither. Also, if Donald wanted to do something, Mike followed along because he was such a little bitch boy and didn't have the courage to say anything.

"Did she tell you were it is?" Mike asked.

"Uuuuh space duh! I think I know who I can go to for more information... but that can wait for now." Donald wrapped an arm around Mike's waist. "I've missed you so much, not even starving Don Jr. brought a smile to my face, and you know how funny that is."

Mike could feel tears forming and creating a thin film over his eyes. "Really?"

"Let me tell you, he was crying so much, so much. He was, like, on the floor begging me for a granola bar or something. I told him that was what he got for telling the fake news media that I conspired with Russia to meddle in the last election. Afterwards he cried some more and said that was the most I've talked to him in months. That really ruined the mood, really ruined the mood."

"D-donald..."

Their chapped lips met and there was an instant energy surge. It was both the most disgusting thing on the planet and the most beautiful. Twenty-seven people drowned themselves after feeling the power of this super couple finally reuniting in love. A wave of serenity flowed through the minds of every hardcore Trumper, as they felt that something had gone right in the world.

To be continued...

Thank you to Anthony Antamanuik for some of my material